Ask anyone who is overweight and unhappy about it what they think about most of all, and they will probably tell you that it’s their weight. It’s like the abusive love of my life; it hurts me, and it makes me feel awful about myself, but I can’t stop thinking about it. I want the best things for it. I want to change my life to make it perfect.
About six months ago, a friend of mine told me that he was going on a Ketogenic (low carb) diet. It looked so cool, and contained all of the foods that I’d previously been warned were bad for me in large quantities: butter, lard, bacon, fatty chicken, steak, fish, and cheese. It was like some kind of sorcery. The fattier a food was, the better it was. Amazing!
I tried this diet for four weeks. I enjoyed it immensely and, better yet, it actually worked. I dropped 15lbs (6.8kg) in that time, which I was completely stoked at, given the amount of food I felt I was eating. Every morning I would have three slices of bacon with two eggs and of an evening I would eat a hearty meal of some kind of meat with one extra egg, with a couple of full-fat Babybel cheeses for a ‘dessert’ snack.
I learned how to make low-carb desserts; I was eating cake and losing weight. It was a whole new world. But not only that, I began to notice other changes about myself. All the aches and pains that I hadn’t even realised were plaguing me constantly had vanished. My depression – normally a lead weight on my shoulders – seemed to be lifting. I was coping with things. My mood lifted through the roof. No longer was I waking up at 3am after two hours of sleep; I slept like a baby and felt well-rested in the morning.
I’m super happy to report that my friend has dropped around fifty pounds and is still going strong. He looks amazing and so much happier than he did eight months ago when he started. I, however, hopped on the scales this morning and realised I am almost 5lbs heavier than what I was last time I weighed myself.
I am, in fact, at the heaviest weight I have ever been at a weighty 223lbs. I’m also 4 foot 11 inches, so you can imagine how that is sitting on me.
So what happened?
In short, my period. I get horrible depression spikes right before I am due on, and due to a legitimately stressful homelife at the time I fell off the wagon and ‘treated’ myself to a carb-heavy take-out meal. Well, that just did it. Since the stress I was under at the time was ever present, I began eating exactly how I did before and found it near impossible to get back on that meat wagon.
The stress I was under has only recently lifted. It hasn’t entirely gone, but it won’t ever be as bad as it was. I feel like I’m in a place where I can finally start fixing things without the concern that something else will come along and kick me in the teeth.
Today, I am back on the low carb. I won’t call it a diet. I will call it a lifestyle. I won’t plan months in advance or have detailed and fussy charts. I will eat when I feel hungry, and I will refrain from eating when I’m not. I am taking this a single hour at a time. My weight, as with many, holds me back from so much. As much as friends and well-wishers will tell you that you’re beautiful no matter what, it simply isn’t true. You’re not beautiful if you don’t feel beautiful, and right now I feel frankly quite disgusting.
But I am ready to look in the mirror and enjoy what I am looking at. With that being said I am off to cook some bacon and eggs because I’m hungry, and that bacon won’t eat itself.