Oh, sweet blog of mine. How many times have we been through this since you were born in June, 2016?
You’ve been a personal blog, an art blog, a health blog, a web store and for a long while you were mostly an abandoned blog. But here we are again with a nice new premium theme, and another fresh start. I’m sorry, blog of mine. I’ll do better this time, I promise. I’ll also stop talking to my blog like it’s a beloved pet because frankly it’s getting a little weird.
I am calling it right now: I don’t have a niche for this blog, and I likely never will. As much as I’d love to run a dedicated blog towards health, self improvement or lifestyle, I feel I’d be lying if I did. At this present moment, my diet is atrocious, I’m just learning how to function as an individual after lifelong abuse (that I am now free of), and I don’t really have much of a social life due to recent long-term unemployment.
Who am I to advise, guide or be a personal guru to someone? How can I be a selfie goddess when my only kind of couture is ‘weird red Christmas blanket and towel chic’.
Perhaps I’m being a tiny bit hard on myself. I do have a job interview tomorrow at a company in town. It looks very promising so far, and I’m nervous and excited all at once. If I get the job, my money troubles will officially be over, for a while at least. I’ve been shut in for such a long time (for reasons I won’t go into here) that it’s terrifying and exciting to actually be mingling with strangers once again. I’ve grown too used to my own company, and the silly bad habits (like being a total slob) that come along with it.
So instead, I will have another use for this blog o’ mine. It will be a personal journal of my growth from depressed, socially anxious and suicidal abuse victim to a vibrant individual with a wonderful life, dreams and aspirations. If I get this job, I hope to be able to travel more, which will be exciting to blog about, that’s for sure.
I also want to start vlogging, although I haven’t nailed that down with specifics yet.
I’ve had a lot of ‘fresh starts’ in my time, especially with personal projects. Most of it, I have realised, was the depression; I was in such a place where I could never quite get over a bout of it. I would simply have a manic ‘I’m happier than a children’s TV presenter on Speed’ moments (which would usually end with me acting impulsively), and then come crashing down right after.
I can’t explain in words how much better I feel since my circumstances have changed. Things aren’t perfect, but the depression has lifted; I haven’t scowled or felt that weight on my shoulders in two months, and it feels glorious. I won’t rush myself, but I don’t need to; I no longer have that desire to drop everything and sulk like I used to.
And, once again, it feels glorious.